Culture, Modernity and Families

I have been thinking about culture for some time and, how we in the Global South foolishly hold on to the idea that we have our cultures in tact and, that modernity is a Western reality. That if we modernise, we are becoming Westernised. 

I have been mulling over our so called culture in my personal family context and, in general too. I think capitalism actually defines most of our relationships and day to day lives. 

I don't see much evidence of culture. We have no connection to our mother tongues. We have no connection to ancestral lands. We don't have connection to our ecology, land, or nature, really. We are highly individualised. 

We don't have any inherited culture around any of the above. Any feeble attempts to preserve echoes of this haven't really stayed. 

International careers have defined our lives, rendering any connection to our immediate land, ancestral villages, language, etc are really null and void. 

The Pakistan project has sought to create a national religious identity and that has seeped through to our family too despite my father's admirable intellectual life, desire to be a rebel. What he has sought to pass on to us is really intellect, pursuit of intellect and the arts, and religion. 

Both my parents' families are mostly abroad now. The emotional sentimental relationship with Pakistan is really over. 

Somehow we are trained to think that brown black peoples have cultures even though, if you think about it, pre colonial culture was forever transformed with the arrival of colonialism. Cultures are tied to lands, pre colonial socio economic systems. And, colonialism really destroyed everything, dismantled pre colonial governments, structures, divided peoples into tribes, and religions, pitted them against each other, brought in extraction, even changed the course of rivers. 

We foolishly think we still have our cultures, especially family bonds. Almost as if it's designed that way. To make us think we have cultures at the expense of modernity. We are almost trained to think we have kinship while Westerners don't have it, that Westerners don't have family units. 

In this context, I love this line: ' modernity is in your head, it's how you treat other people.' 

When I was finding feminism and thinking of my identity, at some point, I realised , that as an individual, feminism wasn't about exposing yourself, wearing clothes of your choice to piss off a conservative environment, but finding cultural roots. I became enamoured with feminists who seemed to have a grounded sense of where they come from, saris, bindis, African dress, head wraps, etc. Then, I found socialist feminism. Now, I struggle to find even feminism alone as urgent. 

As I think about my father suffering from dementia and, that his whole family except for me is living with him, and, as Pakistanis love projecting their non existent culture and religion, I know we have embraced an ugly capitalist brutal reality. 

Whether we want to admit it or not, we have been pulled into Modernity since the white man showed up. 

And, Modernity doesn't mean we abandon family values or hold on to toxic family patterns. Or we hold on to caste. It's that we treat each other in terms of equality.