Tuesday 31 December 2019

An unwanted year

I had never thought I would have spent almost a whole year in Pakistan in 2019, a year given to me with a heavy side dish of irony. If Kavita hadn't been diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder, I would not be here, writing these few lines, contemplating a year of unexpected turns, tests and trials.

I have had a strong desire to come and spend some time in Pakistan at a stretch after being away since 2003. After hooking up with Haresh (an Indian national), the possibility of coming back to Pakistan together as a family has seemed impossible. Many times he has said, I should give up my nationality and move to India, which is what seems necessary for either of us, if we want to all live together in South Asia, border ke iss ya uss paar.

Wanting something may get you what you want but at what cost, I think, horrified? Life throws you a painful twist. I got the year in Pakistan but much of it was spent trying to be tough for Kavita who until now has been a perfect child, in health, spirits and heart. What was it I wanted? Getting some work experience, creating a social life, getting to know things better in the motherland? Instead, I really got to know the hospitals, doctor - patient relationships, labs and,

Just the other day, I introduced myself as:

 "Lived in Liberia, West Africa for 15-16 years and, worked with WFP, UNDP and also run an IT company. I am the mother of Kavita and, have found myself unexpectedly here in Pakistan for the better part of this year. "

That's the best way to explain my current situation, I guess.

But how do I look at this year? Is it all bad? Should I see it only in bad light? Maybe this year is like a prism. If I move it around in my hand, feel its weight, and, move it a little to let it catch and reflect some light , it looks beautiful. Perhaps it is like an ordinary object that you feel with your fingers, turn it over in your hands to get a good look at and then decide it is not so ugly or rough.




Sunday 22 December 2019

WDF Study Circle: Politics of Patriarchal Violence in Pakistan

How do you link patriarchy, violence and the state in understanding the suffering women go through in this Land of the Pure? Ismat Shahjahan led the Circle today, offering her analysis from her own thesis. 




Thursday 19 December 2019

Favourite part of the house


Review: Dark, Jumanji Next Level, Frozen 2 and A Marriage Story ๐ŸŽฌ

Dark 

I just finished watching all 2 seasons of the German-language Netflix sci-fi series. It’s one of the most consuming and gripping series I’ve ever watched. The first thing that immediately came to mind was that it was a German Stranger Things but this knee-jerk notion soon disappeared.  Dark too goes back into time into the 80s, has children missing and, there’s a dark scary forest. But that’s really where the parallels end. 

And I have to say, as much as I went crazy over Stranger Things for its pure sweetness and fantastic imagination, Dark is way ahead in terms of blowing your mind. Stranger Things still, somehow, has a feel-good vibe to it, even though a few characters were sacrificed. Good triumphed over evil. Dark’s tragedies and wreckage strike the people over and over again. Dark grapples with much bigger themes of fate, time and tragedy. 

Dark is a true puzzle box, a story and plot that is literally intricate, not merely in terms of how it’s told using flashback techniques. Sacred Games’ Season 2 was brilliant in that sense, in how it kept jumping back and forth, to push the story forward to its explosive finale. 

Dark is complex because of the whole time travel thing. Our characters and the story are moving and back forth from the present 2019 to 1986, 1953, 1921 and 2053. They meet themselves from the future and from the past. They see their parents as children.  Imagine, to come face to face with your younger self.  Do you have any advice for her or him? “Don’t make the same mistakes as I did!” you shout at that unsuspecting boy or girl. How utterly devastating. Is it even possible to alter the past? 

The plot is structured around 4 or 5 families in a small German town that has a nuclear plant. The impact of disappearances, time travel and revelations mould and shape each family, almost as if the family is also a character in itself. We learn of the stories of the generations of these families and, what a character was like when younger, innocently unaware of what was to come. 

Fate and choice and character are themes hovering over the series. What would we do if we knew what was to come? What would we do if we knew what consequences our actions would have? What would we do to be able to go back in time and, set it all straight? Yes, we would. We would go crazy trying to go back in time, desperate enough to thwart a crisis, a death, a disappearance.  But, our characters don’t realise at first that even with the ability to go through a wormhole or use a time machine to go back, things can’t simply be undone without altering something else. 

The soundtrack is very haunting, sombre and morose mostly. There’s also a very frightening theme music at critical , frightening scenes which pierces through you. 

The vulnerability, sadness, angst and, helplessness of many of the characters reminded of me the human story of Interstellar, without which the science is not relatable. Interstellar’s science was apparently 90% correct, according to everyone’s favourite Neil de Grasse Tyson but the implications of space travel can’t be fully understood without understanding how it affects a human heart. 

Dark’s science on wormholes and time travel seems compelling too, in terms of explaining what a wormhole is, time travel, dimensions, and all that (although a time machine is still science fiction). 

It’s revealed that a small town’s few families have been going through 33-year cycles, over and over again, in continuous time loops. A war is being fought by a group of time travellers on one side and, a few light seekers on the other side. 

The philosophy of the series is immense , however you want to interpret it, but also in how it is delivered by the various characters who speak about traveling through time, one’s destiny, choice, and fate and all that. 

There are a lot of characters in the story and, one meets each character in its fullness, in that one will see them in the past, present and future.

It is weary enough to live through one lifetime, world events, bigger and personal catastrophes, but to have to live through them over over and over is the angst. 

One’s mind wanders off, trying to draw parallels with one’s understanding of politics, history and, the human condition. Isn’t humanity hurtling forward, seemingly in relentless, violent and stubborn cycles? How does fascist ideology keep resurfacing in this past century alone? 

It’s an obsessive, dark series. A storm. An aching fear. A haunting spectre. A mystery. I felt I was watching a Murakami novel at times.  Most times I was half shivering myself seeing Jonas and Martha drenched in drain or Jonas wandering about in the cold forest.  Best part is that’s in German, a small fictional German town.  I loved hearing the dialogues spoken in German, and me reading the subtitles. Sometimes, it’s so comforting to escape or climb into another language. To hear it and, even though you don’t understand it, but enjoy its sounds and mannerisms and, be reading the dialogue’s translation at the bottom of your screen. 

What a relief it is sometimes to be in another language other than English, to realise again we live in a world that has so many many tongues, stories and ideas. That we don’t always have to live in an American world, as much as we love it. 

Jumanji Next Level

As far as I’m concerned, they can make 10 more of these. Jumanji makes me feel like a kid again. 

Jumanji The Next Level starts off on slightly shaky grounds - one of the main kids from the first movie has decided to go back into the video game because he’s so depressed. It isn’t entirely credible - the video game was utterly smashed / destroyed at the end of the previous film. When/how did he rescue the game and repair it? Somehow, we are led to believe that being a depressed university student in New York who flakes out on his new girlfriend simply because she seems to be having too much fun in her Instagram has led him to want to be the smouldering Dr Bravestone again.  As I said, it’s a bit of a flimsy premise. 

Soon, we are all inside the game and, it’s even more crazy and challenging. Our players have to outrace ostriches in the desert dunes, dodge humungous baboons on a maze of suspended bridges, and, outwit a cruel army of invaders who have stolen another one of Jumanji’s jewels. 

The genius stroke in this sequel is dropping new people into the game’s familiar players. So, Dr Bravestone is none other than the loveable Danny Devito, Spencer (the depressed lover boy)’s grandfather who just got a hip operation. Danny Glover - how nice to bring these old actors as old people - is our Mouse Finbar. There are a few other swaps and even a new welcome video game character ( Awkwafina). It shakes everything up and, we are 
in stitches. 

The movie is funny as hell, is well paced and is devoid of silly clichรฉs. It’s fresh and, hilarious. I am a huge Dwayne Johnson fan. This guy can do anything and he’s so likeable. I am a huge monstrous fan of Jack Black. And, how sweet it it was to see Danny Devito and Danny Glover in this movie. Come to think of it, it’s the second time I’ve seen Danny Glover in a movie with Jack Black - Be Kind Rewind, anyone seen that? It’s hilarious. 

I can’t wait for the next Jumanji movie. Maybe they can set it in space. 

Frozen 2

Moving on to Frozen 2. Yes, I did see it. I had to take Kavita. 

Frozen came out in 2012, I believe. I remember how much of a monster hit it was and, everyone gushed at what a healthy fresh breeze it was for subverting the princess trope and promoting sisterhood. Children went mad over this animated film, particularly girls. The "Let it go" song became more than viral. You can find it sung in dozens and dozens of different languages online. 

Frozen pretends to be something new, something feminist but don't let that fool you.  It's very much a Princess story. Wait. No. It is about princesses, a blonde and a brown-haired set of princess sisters who live in a big castle, with huge idiotic bug make-up eyes. Who has eyes that big? Beyond appearances, yes, the story does revolve around these two sisters who come to bond more deeply than ever and, in fact, one saves the other. But did this story have come in Princess form? And there's a sickly, sweet gushiness to this movie which is intolerable. I much prefer Moana (although I understand all the important critiques against the romanticisation and appropriation of the " paradise " Oceanic cultures). 

Frozen 2 is worse. There is the same sickly cuteness and sweetness that really puts me off. But worse, they come up with some new insults. Anna and Elsa's mother actually is a 'native woman' who saved their father. She belongs to a group or triple of people called  - wait for this: Northuldra. This pure, good tribe that is so close to nature was betrayed by these blonde white people and, some of them are trapped in a time warp in the forest. Moreover, the white people have trapped the river with a dam. 

In order to capitalise on the mega success of Frozen, the makers of Frozen 2 have spun a highly offensive story around an imperial kingdom and native people. Centuries of land grabbing, genocide of indigenous peoples and, destruction of their cultures has been commodified and twisted into a  children's movie. Now, children can see a watered down apologist Disney version of colonial destruction while munching their caramel popcorn and slurping their cokes. 

A Marriage Story 

This movie is a pure delight, a moving depiction about a break up of a relationship. I love its pace, it's feel, it's story and best of all, seeing Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson in action.

Adam Driver has got some kind of a face, some kind of a physical screen presence. He has one of the most unique and captivating faces in the film world. I have appreciated him since Hungry Hearts, a beautiful arty farty film. Scarlett Johansson is a highly accomplished actress and, here she is so much seeped into her character, in the emotional intensity of a woman who has taken the overwhelming and significant step of leaving behind a partnership that made her supremely unhappy.

We have seen many raw and aching films of marriages and relationships falling apart but this is urgently contemporary and , speaks to all the conversations around sexism, patriarchy, male privilege, male dominance, etc.

A fine balance is maintained in terms of depicting both sides of the story but it is clear what broke the  marriage: the man's overbearing, self-obsessed and limiting ambition at the detriment of the woman's desires, dreams and abilities. She suffocated and was sidelined. She did not get what she signed up for. Her honesty and, dedication in building him up was not returned. In fact, if she hadn't left, she would have never taken the professional plunges. She would have forever been directed and trained by him as a theatre director and, hardly a year into separating from him, she already turned to directing herself.

That even a loving and passionate and creative marriage can stifle the dreams and desires of a woman is sad. This sadness spills out over and over again in Scarlett's eyes and tears. It is this sense of never having been taken seriously or lifted up as she did him that has driven her into separation, into supreme anger and a sense of betrayal. (And, cherry on the cake, Adam Driver's character even sleeps with the costume driver while still living with his wife)

This movie evokes a little of Kramer V Kramer, the legal battle fought by Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep over their child, their battle while makes furious and cruel exes of each other. Many of that film's scenes take place in the courtroom. In this movie, too, the anger and bitterness burst open in the couple, as they try to come to terms with the divorce but mostly, it's Adam Driver's character who has to understand what drove his wife away.

Adam Driver has one of the most arresting startling faces. (Ulrich from Dark too has one of those faces, not clichรฉ handsome but very striking)

One of my favourite scenes has to be the the speech with Scarlett's lawyer, Laura Dern:
“We don’t accept [the failings of mothers] structurally, and we don’t accept it spiritually. Because the basis of our Judeo-Christian whatever is Mary, mother of Jesus, and she’s perfect. She’s a virgin who gives birth, unwaveringly supports her child, and holds his dead body when he’s gone. And the dad isn’t there. He didn’t even do the f---ing. God is in heaven. God is the father, and God didn’t show up. So you have to be perfect, and Charlie can be a f----up and it doesn’t matter. You will always be held to a different, higher standard. And it’s f---ed up, but that is the way it is.”

Sunday 15 December 2019

Sunday walk to the park


















We don't play jazz here no more. 
Jazz died on this street.
We don't take kindly to jazz here. 
End of jazz.









Started full-time academic school here in Pakistan

So, after I’ve inadvertently clocked almost a year here in Pakistan and, with our life in limbo, the family decided to put Kavita in school. My brother Tariq was visiting and, he 'nudged' me into putting Kavita into school, to put her life in 'normal' until we go back to Liberia. 

She’s almost 7 and, at least it would keep her busy and help her socialise. It was decided to put her in good old Beaconhouse in F-10/4, which is just down the road from our family home in F-11/4. "As long as I can get her out of Islamiyat , I’ll be fine with this experiment," I thought to myself. 

I promised to myself that I would take this as a good experience, be open-minded and, enjoy this experience on behalf of Kavita. As “I gave myself some very good advice,” I also felt panicky at the idea that Kavita was going to lose her individuality and precious personality in the factory that is mass education. “Cans of olives” - that’s what I kept thinking. 20 points if you guess the name of the movie. 

Getting uniforms was a very nostalgic moment, reminiscing about that 1 year that my brother and I attended Beaconhouse in Islamabad back in 88 and, my sister too got excited as she also spent some years in the Beaconhouse system. The three of us got so excited at seeing little Kavita in her uniform. The formality of the first few days made me chuckle a few times, at the rigorous schedule, the assembly, the uniform code, and all the books/copies, etc. 



It’s been hardly a couple of months but I thought I'd share what the education factory is up to. Let me just list a few observations below: 
  • School starts at 8 AM and, is off at 2 PM. It's freezing cold in the mornings but apparently the classrooms are heated with an inverter unit that works as a heater and AC. 
  • The uniforms are horrible. The sweater is a crappy polyester one and, it will not keep children warm in the weather. The blazer too is not nice and soft but stiff. The shoes are horrible. And, it's of course gender segregated. 
  • The bathrooms are very cold and outside the main building. Kavita says she avoids going because it's so cold. Some 'ayaas' are there to help children with the bathroom. 
  • It was mandatory to purchase a Rs. 13,000 “Study Pack” that weighed about 10 KGs. It was also full of cheap stationery but I couldn’t select what I wanted to buy or not, even with boxes full of stationery at home. Moreover, I was astonished that a 6 and 7 year old is expected to handle so many books and notebooks. No wonder I had seen children pulling the small wheelers everywhere as if they were about to catch a flight. 
  • The Science and Maths textbooks are not Pakistani. They are British. So all references are British! Beaconhouse is the biggest private English medium profit-making school system and they haven't come up with their own textbooks yet. The English story books are of course all from English-speaking Western countries. Urdu practice books are of course local but they are archaic style, boring type and fonts and, unattractive books. The Social Studies book is Pakistani but full of patriarchal, nationalistic attitudes. 
  • There is a big focus on writing beautiful penmanship. They are being taught good hand writing. 
  • I was told that “it was market demand” to have such heavy academic focus at this early age by a senior Principal/Coordinator. 
  • Islamiyaat is taught already at this age. Kids have been asking Kavita if she is “afraid of Allah.”  
  • There was a day of Eid Milad and Iqbal day in the first few weeks. Any holidays to celebrate women, anyone? 
  • The teachers do not seem to have much of a personality. I went in a few times directly into the class or drop and pick her and, I was explained later by someone in Admin that parents are not allowed to go into the class. Is the teacher not confident enough to explain rules? But before I found out about the rule, I had to remind that same class teacher 3 times that Kavita was excused from Islamiyat and would instead be given an extra Urdu class. Even speaking to her, I did not find her engaging. The Admin lady said teachers get stressed when meeting parents unless it’s planned. In fact, the class teacher seemed quite nervous. Perhaps parents have started hounding teachers, just like me? 
  • I wonder how much school teachers are paid? 
  • Everything is communicated through a Diary, a small notebook in which homework assignments are written and any note is given to parent. The teacher has to sign it and parent has to sign. This little nuisance literally serves as a communication gateway or e-mail server. Except it does not work. If you write a question, it may or may not get answered or, it may generate a whole unnecessary long discussion which makes you want to cry tears. 
  • Kavita is a little late to the game but I would have imagined she would know how homework works by now. She should be able to take out the book from her bag and get to it. But no, she has to rely on me to figure out what’s in the Diary device, and, then guide her. After 6 hours in school, they gotta do homework. I mean, talking about killing children. I mean, talking about Finland where the free range chicken, sorry children, roam free and learn by playing. And, in Pakistan, apparently, “parents ask for more homework.” Yes, you heard that. I was told parents are happy when children are given more and more homework.
  • And wait for this, children have tests. Which reminds me, they wouldn’t let me keep the admission test. The Principal was guarding it carefully and immediately took it back after I glanced at it. I couldn’t believe this flimsy test was used to “test” my highly talented and unique Kavita who makes up her own songs and, plays them and has lengthy adult conversations with big words with our adult friends. I couldn’t believe that flimsy test was used to put her in Class 1 instead of 2.  
  • A child's creativity, imagination, self expression, ability to communicate, and understand concepts is not tested. Instead, the test was divided into single questions from maths, Urdu and English each. There was no other testing method. And, the Principal explained that children are doing a lot of heavy academic work and, that's how they progress from one class to another. I offered to help Kavita up to speed and put her into Class 2 (I feel Kavita is much more advanced than typical kids in terms of her creativity, self expression, maturity and, is very smart) but I was discouraged because this would be too much for Kavita. 
  • They are already teaching toxic gender roles in the Social Studies class. So, the textbook lists most house chores done by Mother and, some ‘masculine’ ones are done by Father i.e. wash car. When I asked the teacher she said “ but isn’t that what mothers do?” There was also this one photograph showing a small girl serving tea to an old man. What a stupid clichรฉ. I shudder to think what is taught in the infamous Pakistan Studies which I believe is taught in higher grades. 
  • Lessons, Assembly and other activities are photographed and put on the school Facebook page. I asked them to take off Kavita's photographs. I don't like this marketing on Facebook and having our children
  • I think they had another set of tests earlier in the term and, now they have 2 weeks of them - they call them CATS -  and, school is let out earlier at 12:30 PM. I helped Kavita to go over all the material but I am astonished at all the work that was involved. Some of the stuff was quite easy but some of it was a little tricky. 



On a positive note, what I do appreciate is that the Admin Staff at the front desk is very sweet. Any time I've complained or had a meltdown and expressed my shock, she has listened to it, tried to explain, or referred it to the Principal. There is no pushback or resentment or 'fleeing from the scene'. 

The fee challan is sent every month, stapled to the Diary. For a little less than 18,000 Pak Rupees per month (compare that to $ 500 we were spending with Cachelle, a preschool), Kavita is enrolled in the biggest English Medium school in Pakistan. It is a professional and organised system.

And, I strangely love the the way the kids are let out. The security guard stands at the gate and when they see the parent, they announce the name on a microphone and, the child comes running out. It's pretty fun.



I really enjoy listening to the stories Kavita has at the end of every day. There is a very very naughty boy called Z who makes so much noise, hits other kids, takes pencils and rubbers away "without permission," and, gets sent to the Principal's office. Kavita says children push and shove and don't even "say sorry." She says children keep taking away her colours and pencils and don't give back. But she's also made friends, and one of them gifted her a lovely pencil. One of her friends drew a little picture on her palm. 

Thursday 12 December 2019

How I ditched Burning Brownie for Quetta Burning Cafรฉ

and, also started noticing that Islamabad is now full of Quetta cafes. 

Quetta Burning Cafรฉ is in F-11 Markaz and, we often pass through it during our evening walks. I love Burning Brownie (best local coffeeshop with really good sandwiches and coffee although they need to ditch some of the outdated 50s/60s American signs/artwork that are giving backward, sexist and racist messages). A sandwich and a coffee will set you back about 1000 rupees. 

Instead at Quetta Burning Cafรฉ, you can have a whole meal with naan, a sabzi and, a meat dish with chai and, whatnot for less than 1000 rupees.

Islamabad is brimming with Quetta cafรฉs. They are everywhere and, more and more outdoor hangouts have sprung up. Islamabad is finally getting some character. 

Just in F-10 Markaz there are 4 or 5 cafรฉs with Quetta in their name. Whaat?! And, I love their nutella parathas.

27 May 2019, F-11 Markaz
27 May 2019, F-11 Markaz
27 May 2019, F-11 Markaz



Gur wali chai

 

The menu is so hot that the tip burnt off


A very tasty meal with sweet lassi - 17 June 2019



Lunch at Quetta Burning Cafรฉ, 30 June 2019 



There's a Quetta Singapore Cafรฉ in Jinnah Supermarket, 3 SEP 2019 


Quetta Khan Cafรฉ, 20 July 2019


Quetta Tea Center, 25 August 2019, G-8 


Quetta Tea Center, 25 August 2019, G-8 


Quetta Tea n Teas, F-10 Markaz, 17 November, love the nutella parathas


Quetta Tea n Teas, F-10 Markaz, 17 November


There's also a Quetta Kettle Tea, F-10 Markaz, 17 November


Quetta Royal Teas, F-6 Markaz, 12 December