Rules of engagement

I'm struggling to understand what the rules of behaviour and engagement are in the public space in Islamabad.

For example, should you expect your Careem Captain to greet you "Hello how are you doing?" Should one expect a pleasant chit chat? Will your Careem Captain apologise in case he/she took 10 minutes to locate you after you called and SMS-ed?

A few times I asked the Careem Captains subtly whether saying salaam was not said anymore in Pakistan. A few actually retorted that they tried to greet customers before but were rudely shunned. Can you believe that? 

What happens at a Bank? You'll be told to go to a desk to sort out an issue and asked to sit down. That person who should attend to you will continue doing whatever he/she is busy with and, not bother to explain how long it will take to attend to you and, what the process will be all about. You are meant to just quietly wait. 

What if you make the mistake of pointing out a dirty bathroom to a staff or manager at a restaurant or coffeeshop? You'll be lucky if you get an apology or explanation or embarrassed look. 

If you are regularly going to Maroof Hospital to get your child checked up - perhaps even several times a week - the nurse attending to you will not bother to learn the child's name. In fact, she will first ask if you've paid the fees. Pleasantries will not be exchanged. Moreover, the Hospital's physical space is structured in such a way that you're going from one end to another in exhaustive circles and, staff do not bother to guide you. Once a lab technician was so harsh when Kavita had to have a blood test that I made a lot of noise at the lack of sensitivity for a child. The sheer lack of a human touch is unbelievable.

Apparently, you are not meant to smile. It will mislead people. A Pakistani friend who was in Liberia on a USAID short-term mission (seconded from USAID Pakistan) said he explained to an American colleague here at USAID Pakistan that smiling so obviously is not culturally proper in Pakistan.

Who knew that unsmiling sullen faces are in fact acceptable. 

Only rarely do folks smile. I've seen the McDonalds staff smile. Folks at Kavita's music school smile, perhaps because we have formed a relationship after so many months. I have very rarely met an enthusiastic smiling salesperson at a retail outlet. Many of the staff at coffeeshops (now that there are dozens and dozens of them all over Islamabad) make an effort to smile and, be courteous.

Even during evening walks, I don't see anyone attempting to smile at each other, let alone greet each other. 

I say salaam to the security guards and, mostly they get embarrassed at having to interact with a woman. One security guard now eagerly greets me or especially if Kavita is with me. 

Once at a supermarket (the D Watson one in F-10) Kavita was lost and I found her weeping. She had tried to go and ask people for help but she was ignored. I was beyond shocked. That would never happen in Monrovia.

Monrovia is extremely different in that sense. The city forces you to interact with it. You cannot pass by without saying hello or nodding your head. As for children, people will go out of their way to be helpful or dish out advice. I don't believe for a second that if Kavita were lost in Abi Jaoudi Supermarket, someone wouldn't try to find the parent. Of course, everyone knows Kavita on Randall Street where the supermarket is located so, I doubt she would get lost. But I am sure even a 'new child on the block' wouldn't be left weeping in the middle of the aisle, overlooked by staff and shoppers. And, everyone makes jokes. Everyone trades humour. I don't see it here in Islamabad, certainly not in the uptight spaces I regularly traverse and navigate.

The only folks who you might actually have a spontaneous chat with are transgenders begging in the streets. They will smile, they will tease and, try to get some money from you.

I have seen children shoving and pushing without even saying "Excuse me."

I don't live in a small 'mohalla' or community with strong bonds so perhaps things are much more different in more closely-knit neighbourhoods. My observations are limited to Careem rides, banks, hospitals, Centaurus Mall, coffeeshops and, Kavita's music school.

There's also the aspect about being a woman. In a heavily segregated society where mainly men are shopkeepers, taxiwallahs, fruit wallahs, etc, there isn't meant to be any pleasant exchanges between the sexes. Even if one meets a woman, she is usually reserved, probably out of necessity.

I'm not merely criticising that there's no concept of customer service in Islamabad. In Monrovia, the idea of customer service has started creeping in but at least folks in public spaces are friendly and, make an effort to interact with strangers. In Islamabad, the standard of customer service is very poor. I used to think it's nonexistent in Monrovia and, in fact, you'll get sarcastic or rude responses when you make a complaint. In Islamabad, it's literally the same! Do not complain!

What's more disappointing though is how unpleasant an experience it is to be in the public space in Islamabad. I don't think people are friendly or bother to smile or make small talk.

We seem to have such a high-headedness about family and cultural obligations and, a superior sense of our culture. There are so many rules on how to behave with our family members, with elders, with guests in our homes, and so on. 

And, now that we are urbanised and, going out more and more to dine and shop, shouldn't we create some notions of public decency? If we are spending so much time outside our homes, what obligations do we have towards each other when we are out and about?