I finally get my Masters degree!

I finally got my MSc in Violence, Conflict and Development. Almost four years after the fact, it feels wonderful to finally close this chapter of my life. The year in London itself was quite a difficult year itself and, snowballed into one epic disaster after another and, ended in the brutal murder of my boyfriend. 

The decision to go to London to pursue a Masters to further my UN career was in theory a great one but I ended up having quite a shitty year. Don't get me wrong, there were some great moments but I really struggled in every sense of the word. It cost me financially, emotionally and spiritually. 

When I had to abandon the degree and, come out to take care of Wesley's murder, the sense of failure and, all that the year in London represented, was a gaping wound in my heart for almost four years. I had a crippling sense of failure and heart break. It was always at the back of my head. 

But I got it done. Not to go and pursue a career but for the sake of getting it done. And, to stop having nightmares of me stumbling in hostels, examination halls and libraries. 

I almost didn't get the degree because my outstanding coursework which I mailed from Liberia shortly before going to the US to deliver my baby was a bit late. 

I appealed to SOAS and, this is what I wrote:

I have been living and working in Liberia, West Africa for the past 10 years, firstly with the UN and more recently in the private sector. I took a year out from 2008 to 2009 to get a masters degree in London to move forward in my UN career since a master's degree is an absolute requirement to move up the ladder. The year in London turned out to be very difficult personally for me for many many reasons and, I really struggled to meet deadlines and to focus on my studies. I failed to submit a crucial piece of coursework for a class called War to Peace and, hardly got started on my dissertation. I started seeing a Counselor to help me deal with depression and utter sense of being lost after exams. I believe a letter by the Counselor was filed at the Department. By the end of the 2009 summer, I learned that my partner was brutally murdered back in Monrovia and I abandoned everything to go back and attend to the crisis. After I attended to the last rites after dealing with the authorities, I decided to take over his IT company and, try to get back on my feet. I would not have been able to get a job in the UN again and was not interested either. I worked hard but always had my abandoned degree at the back of my head since it was such a sense of failure on top of the loss of my partner. I was finally able to re-gain a sense of balance and, afford to travel back to London in 2011 to convince SOAS to let me try to finish my outstanding requirements. I did! I of course could not stay on in London to start my studies and have access to a library. I had my university course books, notes in my brother's flat in London, and took them back. I started reading again, refreshing myself with concepts, requested access to the online library resources, and made up gaps by ordering books on Amazon USA and got my books shipped with my IT goods I was importing for my clients. I also made a friend at SOAS who was studied a year later who also brought me books now and then. I struggled a lot to read and write since I was running a business and, it was an emotional turmoil to find the motivation to be a student again. But I prevailed and, started to enjoy the topics and concepts I was grappling with. Since, I was writing on peace and justice while living and working in post-conflict state like Liberia where I myself experienced tragic loss, I found some amazing parallels to my own life. I finally completed my work and sent it with DHL in September 2012. It was a great sense of closure! I was sure that SOAS would take all my circumstances into consideration.

SOAS and particularly my Department supported my appeal and I got my degree. 

I am so happy and, really have a sense of closure. 

Diss - Dessert - Desert - Elation - Frustration - Desperation - Dissertation

So I am writing my dissertation these days. The working title is "Did the truth commission in Sierra Leone, accompanied by trials, have a substantially different impact from the truth commission in Liberia, with the absence of criminal accounting?" 

I got the idea for the title from the discussion in Neil Kritz's article 'Policy Implications for Empirical Research on Transitional Justice.' (Merwe, Baxter & Chapman: Assessing the Impact of Transitional Justice, 2008) The author is discussing the role of research in policy choices. For instance, he says there is a "clear need...to find ways of disaggregating the different contextual factors and different transitional justice components at play in any particular case." So he suggests the following research question "Did the truth commission in Argentina, accompanied by trials, have a substantially different impact from the truth commission in Chile, with the absence of criminal accounting?" (p.15) 

I took the question and exchanged Argentina for Sierra Leone and Chile for Liberia.  

It is safe to assume that it is not a very sexy title. Some academics really try to be witty and clever and succeed, too:

• "Truth-Seeking, Truth-Telling, and Postconflict: Curb the Enthusiasm?" 
• "Homo Economicus Goes to War: Methodological Individualism, Rational Choice and the Political Economy of War"
• Civil War is Not a Stupid Thing: Accounting for Violence in Developing Countries
• "The Dark Side of Democracy: the Modern Tradition of Ethnic and Political Cleansing"
• Not Breaking the Rules Not Playing the Game International Assistance to Countries At War
• The Dark Side of the Force
• "A Rational Kind of Madness"
• Kicking Away the Ladder Development Strategy in Historical Perspective
• NGOs Beyond the Magic Bullet
• Surviving Capitalism How We Learned to Live with Market and Remained Almost Human

If academic articles and books were food, their witty titles would be garnishes.  As you can see there's a bit of Stanely Kubrick, Star Wars, James Bond, psychology and pop culture in these titles. Gosh, I never realised how inspirational films can be for academia! 

So, if I want to have a sexier title, I guess I should throw in a classic movie reference, some pop culture and garnish with Latin. I am going to come back on this one. It will be cool to have a less boring title than this one. 

As my friend (also from SOAS who graduated already with a VCD degree) has so eloquently advised me: "These bastards get impressed by the first impression they get and some of them I doubt would read the whole thesis." He was actually referring to the introduction and making it as academically crisp and sexy as possible but I can surely extend this advice to the title too! 

In the meantime, I need to forge on ahead and find out where is the justice in transitional justice. 

Is international or domestic justice blossoming?

I came across an article "International Justice System Blossoms" written by the president of the International Center for Transitional Justice, in the Opinion section of Al Jazeera, hailing the calls of justice across the globe from Cairo to Washington, from Bogota to Kinshasa, from Srebrenica to Colombo. Indeed, we have witnessed in the first part of 2011, 30-year-old dictatorships crumble like dust in a domino-effect across the Arab world that is now being hailed as the Arab Spring.

As Naomi Roht-Arriaza put it: "It has almost become routine. After the shooting stops, or the dictator is deposed, there is the talk of reckoning."

One of the main points of the article is that political and military leaders responsible for gross atrocities are no longer safe from the hands of justice. Impunities will no longer be traded for the sake of peace.

The Ben Ali's and Hosni Mubarak's will have their day of reckoning. In fact, since the arrest of Milosevic, the stage has been set 'for the ICC to issue arrest warrants for Omar al-Bashir and Muammar Gaddafi.'

The author blames regional organisations such as the African Union and Arab League for protecting the leaders mentioned above indicted by the ICC.

In terms of recommendations the author points that trials in Tunisia and Egypt must respect due process and follow the example of former Yugoslavia where trials targeted those 'bearing most responsibility.' Moreover, trials are not enough and other measures are required. 'It is essential the past to be confronted, the truth be told' - it is safe to assume that the author is referring to truth and reconciliation commissions. He also lists reform of the police and military - often referred to as security sector reform (SSR) by practitioners.

The ICC, the author maintains, is there to 'investigate and prosecute a relatively small number of perpetrators.' It exists as a 'backstop to domestic systems lacking capacity or the necessary political will to prosecute the most serious crimes.'

Finally, the article ends on an almost sentimental note - that international justice may arrive late but is inevitable. Bangladesh will apparently address crimes committed during its war of independence from Pakistan. And 'the mothers of Srebrenica waited almost seventeen years for the arrest of Ratko Mladic' and he was recently arrested.

All in all, the author concludes that international justice system blossoms. Like a righteous flower. 

It was quite relevant to read this article as I am currently reading international justice for my dissertation and, I can use this article as a platform to apply what I have read so far. It was also good to see the mention of the trials of reckoning within the context of Arab Spring even though a lot of the transitional justice literature I am reading seems to be discussing transitional justice carried out in societies which experienced collective violence over extended periods of time rather than swift revolutions.

The author is clearly excited about corrupt and evil dictatorships being taken to task amid calls for justice. The title of the article refers to international justice although whatsoever has been achieved in Tunisia and Egypt should rather be called domestic justice.

The author states that 'the demands for justice are today a driving force of social change and popular revolutions'. It made me question and think about whether these revolutions are firstly motivated by justice and change later and, would think that it was rather that the call for change came first and justice followed.

The author greatly emphasises criminal trials as part and parcel of international justice however, from all that I gather from the literature I have read, academics are not even sure of what international justice is and neither what the actual impact is.

International justice can refer to any of the following implemented either stand-alone, in combination of more than one option or all of them together: truth and reconciliation commissions, amnesties, criminal trials, the International Criminal Court in the Hague, hybrid courts, and traditional methods to reconciliation. I guess as long as a 'deeply divided' and very sick society takes any of these bitter but necessary medicines, it will get over the violence and bloodshed it underwent.

Essentially, the critical literature points out that somehow transitional justice - particularly its two main embodiments of truth commissions and trials - has become unquestioned, is implemented based on faith rather than fact and is largely without a sound theoretical framework. The results it claims to achieve such as peace, reconciliation, healing, and consolidation of democracy and rule of law are not necessarily linked to the implementation of trials nor truth commissions. In short, concepts are conflated.

The author of this article tries to make a heroic case for trials however, some academics are not convinced that trials are necessary to consolidate peace and rule of law, satisfy victims or deter future intellectual authors of violence.

There was also a piece I read that explored the impact that transitional justice has on social repair. It asserted that given the collective nature of the violence that grips many states in the post-Cold War context, trials do not challenge bystanders and inaction, communal violence and collective responsibility.

Nevertheless, given the author's conviction that justice can only be achieved by taking to task individuals with the most responsibility, will Western leaders such as Blair and Bush be taken to task for deaths and suffering caused by the Western invasion of Afghanistan and Iraq? And where were the ICC arrest warrants for Mubarak, the head of Egypt, purportedly the highest recipient of American foreign aid after Israel? In short, can international justice be effective if it is selective?

Criticisms of the truth and reconciliation process in South Africa essentially make it out to be a hollow process which not only did not make significant economic reparations to victims but failed to even create a truth record of structural violence and socio-economic inequalities. And, going by this article's stress on trials, would the transitional justice process in SA be considered a failure because of the lack of such trials?

Following in this vein, my dissertation is going to explore this very contradictory translation of transitional justice in the two ill-fated states of Liberia and Sierra Leone, two states with remarkably similar histories and intertwined conflicts. One state implemented both trials and truth commission while the other merely opted for a truth commission. What is even more astounding is that one state has chosen to charge and prosecute the other's former president.

The perpetrators of Sierra Leone's civil war have been indicted and are undergoing trial, most notably Liberia's ex-president Charles Taylor. Not only have Sierra Leoneans prosecuted Sierra Leoneans for war crimes but also the Liberian, ex-president. Sierra Leone has by doing so made an effort towards preventing future war entrepreneurs from rising up and plunging the country into chaos and violence. Liberia on the other hand has not taken this punitive justice route. In fact, Taylor was handed over to the UN to be taken to Sierra Leone when was tried to flee Nigeria where he was in exile. Besides being responsible for taking the war to Sierra Leone was he also not responsible for the civil war atrocities that took place in Liberia? Are those crimes not important? Is Liberia not interested in prosecuting its war criminals? What does the international community have to say for this? How does the court in the Hague reconcile such a contradiction? Do they realise they are judging a trial of a warlord who is responsible for war in two neighbouring countries but yet are prosecuting crimes in only one state? That too of a country that was not ruled by Taylor but where he allegedly exported war. How does the state reconcile this? How do the people reconcile this? According to advocates of trials, then, Liberia is not on the right path to peace building by not holding its war criminals to account. It is not preventing future atrocities. Not only is Charles Taylor, their own former president, being tried for another country's civil war crimes, but other warlords like Prince Johnson are serving in the Senate. Is this transitional justice?

My recent travels

It has been almost a month since I got back from the UK and, the London buzz is now almost gone out of my head and I am almost all mentally in Liberia in now although I do have to pretend I am sitting in a UK university library so I can focus on reading for the masters which I intend to finally complete September this year while simultaneously co-running a business. Alas, what mental games one has to play to achieve one's goals and compromise with reality.

The 20-day escape from Liberia was overall quite healthy, expensive and results-oriented. 

Results achieved in no order of importance:

1) Got the UK visa

2) Convinced SOAS to let me finish the masters this year

3) Picked up all my books and clothes that I had to leave in a hurry when I came back to Liberia in Sep 2009

4) Met my siblings after almost two years

5) Introduced Haresh to my siblings and my SOAS friends

6) Did a bit of shopping and had my fill of caramel frapuccino's 

Detour in Ghana: Kakum National Park, Elmina Castle; Getting Chased by a Mad Man on the Streets of Accra

The 10-day detour in Ghana was the really expensive bit as I did not estimate I would end up staying that long to get a freaking UK visa. To read about it, go to: Visa Rage.

Haresh and I spent more than a couple thousand bucks on hotels and food and sightseeing. At least I got to slap my fear of heights in the face by doing the highest canopy walk in Africa - the one in Kakum National Park along with a couple hundred Ghanaaian students on Labour Day. It is bad enough to feel shaky climbing flights of stairs which are wide and the rails do not give you a sense of security or to feel dizzy on top of the Jomo Kenyatta Conference Centre and wanting to hug the floor but the canopy walk was something else. 

The steep walk up the hill to the canopy walk itself was so exhausting to begin with! And we were surrounded by all these bouncy, cheerful, camera-clicking adolescents. Teenagers are the same everywhere - sporting the latest look, posing to take photographs for Facebook and flirting all around. And then there's Haresh who makes a loud announcement from the outset that he needed to be right at the front of the group along with the guide. So there was everyone calling my name - the whole group of kids got to know my name - looking for me as I had been wandering around the shops while we waited for the guide to take the next group. After I got over that irritating moment of being singled out, we began the most scary walk of my life!

There are 7 platforms suspended between the tops of cotton trees that sway when you walk over them and even creak making one feel quite light headed. It would not be so scary if it were let's say in a play ground of a primary school but it is 130 feet high. I really do not know how I did it given I am pathetically-nay-embarassingly scared of heights but as it is with any phobia, you have to somehow convince your brain you will not fall down from that height and plummet to your death. I crept along on each hanging bridge holding on to dear life biting my lips in deep concentration and trying not to look up or down or sideways. Haresh's joking about falling down and breaking a couple of limbs of course made me laugh. The local kids though were annoying in their complete joyful abandonment - singing and screaming and bouncing up and down on the bridges heightening my sense of dizziness. I really wanted to throttle them but once I finished the walk, I was exhilarated - not to mention drenched in sweat. Haresh and I casually walked back down the hill again confronted by the same sweet-sour smell of coconut juice that was being sold along the way. 

After we were done with the walk, we headed off to the Elmina Castle for a tour. This was the third "slave castle" I have visited so I am pretty familiar with how shocking the experience can be. Haresh was thoroughly enlightened and kept asking the tour guide, "Doesn't this make you really angry? Does this not make you want to invade Europe and enslave white people?" Haresh is not known for his subtlety.

The slave castle was not first built as a slave castle but as a trading post by the Portuguese in the 15th century but soon became an important stop in the Atlantic slave trade and was later taken by the Dutch and lastly by the British. It is massive and even boasts a moat. It overlooks the fishing town and ocean from all its sides. We started the tour from the main courtyard noting the small chapel/trading hall in the centre and went into the various dungeons - some for males and some for females. The dungeons are dark and oppressive and used to hold a couple hundred human beings at a time who were forced to sleep, eat, urinate, and defecate in one space. Belligerent men were locked up in a lightless/airless space where they most likely died. Female slaves had to endure being paraded around in a courtyard and the governor would pick out one he wanted for his pleasure looking down upon the yard. The females were led through a staircase leading directly to his bedroom. Children born out of such unions and even favoured women slaves were housed in separate houses at the back of the castle where they would live for the rest of their lives. There was a door of no return (similar to one I have seen in the Goree Island, Senegal and Cape Coast, Ghana castles) - a narrow hole in the wall which goes out towards the sea from where slaves were loaded on to ships destined for the Americas. Apart from seeing the horrors down below, there was also the disgust of exploring the space right above these dungeons where the officers would eat, sleep and pray (no I am not thinking of the Julia Roberts movie). The guide was pretty sarcastic shall we say when pointing this out. I think he did a good job. 

Apart from canopy walking and slave castle explorations, the stay in Ghana was pleasant. We stayed at a nice hotel close to the airport which we found purely by accident and the owner became a good friend who would take us out every night on a drive. We also recommended his hotel on the Liberia Expats Google Group. 

We also spent time with an old time buddy of Haresh's who was really fun to hang out with. He punctuates every sentence with "over there" and this had never been pointed out to him until I did! Apparently, he's been doing it for all his life and no one noticed. I also met up with the daughter of one my dear friends from Liberia - I have known this kid since she was about 14 and it is nice to see her coming into her own. 

We met up with Edwina in Accra Mall and decided to drop her home first before we went back to the hotel as we wanted to see where she lived. Was it a smooth ride? Of course not, we being we had to end up as extras in a Hollywood-style car chase across town and see a skinny-but-good-guy taxi driver get almost beat up by a psychopathic bad guy. What happened was that our taxi driver broke the side mirror of another taxi as he was trying to squeeze through some heavy traffic. We did not even realise what happens until our car was stopped by a very angry taxi driver who came over to our car and started messing around our taxi driver. Now our taxi driver was very skinny and keep trying to righteously prove a point verbally while the other guy just wanted to fight it out. He was not even interested in having a conversation, forget about reasoning. Our poor guy kept trying to stand up and the other guy kept pushing him back on his seat while towering above him. In less than a minute the psychopath's T-Shirt was off and I guess he wanted our taxi driver to do the same. I thought our little guy was a goner - he stood no chance against the psycho who from the looks of it clearly spent good time pumping iron and looking for excuses to fight. I kept telling Haresh to find another taxi but he wanted to watch the show so I was pretty much stuck. Pretty soon onlookers came and a fight was averted long enough so that our taxi driver made a get away! And whaddya know? The psycho was closely following us. This went on for miles and miles and we were doing 80 or 100 km/hour at least! At one point, the psycho managed to get in front of us and blocked the whole road. He again got out of his car and started to approach our car again (to pummel our guy) but before that, our skinny but smart taxi driver managed to get away and started speeding again and there was the psycho, close behind us. Neither Edwina nor Haresh seemed to be the least bit worried about the whole situation except for me. When we were quite close to the police station, we actually passed a police car and excitedly stopped him. In our cars, we all started screaming for help! "Officer, officer, help us, we are being chased by a madman!" Thankfully he listened to all of us yelling at him at one time and, escorted us to the police station. The senior officer in charge there listened to us patiently and when he asked the psycho his version of the events, he denied everything, even lifting off his shirt. We all started shouting again and Haresh said he had even recorded the violence on his camera (slight exaggeration) and the police officer was convinced to throw the bugger in jail. I guess he had seen his fair share of criminals to know one and did not quite need our enthusiastic pleas but thanks to him for at least hearing us out. 

Return to the UK

Liberia suffers from such a lack of development that visiting any other country is culture shock. Have you ever been outside of Monrovia? There's nothing out there except for jungle. Villages passing for towns have vegetation-covered-abandoned structures that pass for buildings. Dirt tracks pass for roads. Monrovia is passed off as a capital city. Corruption is passed of as a way of life or my favourite line passed by outsiders, "This is Africa." One hundred fifty years of colonialism is passed off as the oldest republic in Africa. I could go on and on about the bizarre state of Liberia. All states have historical amnesia but Liberia takes the cake.  

Going to the UK, of course, is the ultimate mind twister. One might as well be on a different planet - it is so developed, clean and orderly! I enjoyed being back in a space where I could indulge in shopping, going to the cinema, enjoying public transport and eating at some really classy restaurants. London is overwhelming with its choice of places to go and explore public spaces like art galleries and museums and can be a nice escape from Planet of the Apes.

It felt like decades had passed since I was last there. I met with almost all the people I wanted to see. My friends were thrilled to see me again and meet the new man in my life. And they actually liked him!

I was also lucky to meet a friend from SOAS who has been through a personal tragedy as well and it was wonderful to see her and her husband again and, to compare notes. They also found out who their real friends were at a time of crisis. 

My siblings also took a liking to Haresh, too. They had to - Haresh specially got a hair cut in Accra for their benefit.  My favourite moment with the four of us was at Dishoom, an Indian restaurant in Leicester Square. It was quite a funky place with vintage Indian art everywhere. We were served by a very cute Johnny-Deep-look-alike waiter and my sister and I went ga ga over him who showed off his knowledge of various kinds of naan. The food was amazing including the various flavoured kulfis. Haresh kept getting stared by another Indian man whom Haresh thought he knew from Nigeria but just turned out to be a staring kind of a fellow, you know how much South Asians like to stare at each other. Saira won a bet with Tariq over the nationality of some chicks sitting at another table. So yes, it was a nice group time for us.

Everyone seemed to be happy to see me well and having moved on with life after the murder of Wesley in September 2009. 

Going to SOAS was also quite pleasant but also gave me pangs of nostalgia as I left Liberia to come do a masters and that whole year ended up in such a disaster. My department though was very cooperative and really encouraging in my attempt to complete this masters. 

It is actually going to be a pain in the ass to finish it - it was hard enough when school was on and I struggled to make the readings, write the essays and make sense of it. And the whole reason for doing it is also now obsolete. I am not looking to move up in the bureaucratic/dinosauratic organisation that is the UN (and pass it off as saving the world) any longer. Nope, I do not ever intend to 'land a white whale' (a high-paying UN job) ever again. I work for myself now! So now I have to actually do the masters for actually learning some critical analytical skills and not to increase my pay scale. As the head of department said to me: most people get the development masters degree to get into the UN but you're getting it to leave the UN. So yes, it will be a pain in the ass but it'll be a nice sense of achievement and close that chapter. 

I met with a student who is finishing the masters this year too who was planning on coming on to Liberia for some research on labour conditions in the rubber industry. I agreed to help him out if he brought me books and articles and so on. So he is actually here, staying with our neighbours next door. It has been nice to talk about SOAS, bitch about the same badly managed courses and our favourite professors. He has been really helpful and who knows maybe he can even write the dissertation for me?

Haresh's reactions are always amusing. He was impressed with the free hare krishna food served during lunch time at SOAS and we both had it sitting on the steps of the Brunei Gallery. He was even more impressed to see a bar that served alcohol in the middle of a university and wondered whether drinks were also free!  And he doesn't understood how people who do oriental and african studies can ever get jobs. What can I say. 

We stayed with a friend in Canary Wharf which was quite nice as I got to see and shop in a different part of London. And it was good to have Haresh around to carry my shopping bags. He does have his uses.

We also got to go out of town to a town near Bath - we were hosted by a dear friend we have made friends with in Liberia. We met in London for dinner as he was in town for a meeting, had dinner in - guess where - Brunswick Square near SOAS, and took a train to Bath. It was a full train but Haresh shooed off a fellow who had occupied one of those seats next to table for four, you know what I mean. So we got these four seats thanks to Haresh's subtle manners. And is any journey complete without some games? No and, so Haresh and Nigel solved some sodoku puzzles.

We got to Bath and got into Nigel's car in the car park and drove to Bradford on Avon where his house is. It was night time but we got a sense of how pretty and country-side-ish it must be. We got to his house, checked it out, had a cup of tea if I remember correctly and went to sleep.  We could not get over how quiet it was at night and how fresh the air was. Nigel served us a delicious breakfast the next day (he was so sweet he actually telephoned us the day before to ask us what we would like for breakfast).

We walked around in Bath, ate at a fabulous sea food restaurant and marveled at the Roman baths.

I also wanted to see a friend who has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer on the way back from Bath but he was in and out of chemotherapy and I couldn't see him. He was very cheerful and brave on the phone and it made me appreciate how important it is to live one's life with a positive attitude no matter what one is going through. 

So the UK trip went well and I have made a plan on how to proceed with completing my masters. Haresh tagged along, met my friends and siblings, I did some shopping and he renewed his passport. 

Accra On the Way Back

For the record, Terminal 5 at Heathrow Airport is amazing. The modern check in is something truly to marvel at (compared to the taxi stand that is RIA). 

So we had to stay in Accra for a couple of nights on the way back from London. We spent most of the time with Haresh's same old-time buddy. We had a 4-hour lunch at his house where we met his famous uncle whom he had been complaining about the whole week we had been with him going to London. The uncle turned out to be the most fit, charming and energetic 75-year old I had ever met. His family has been in Ghana since the 50s. He started every second sentence with "I don't want to blow my own trumpet but...." With that we got to know about his 2 million pound house in Belsize Park, his vintage Rolex and the fact he can perform the Shirish Asan yoga. He was a gracious host making sure we were stuffed until we couldn't eat and drink until we could not stand. 

Sindhi is a nice language to listen to - it has so many words similar to Urdu and Punjabi but somehow sounds sweeter than Punjabi. But then again, all Sindhis I meet say Punjabi sounds sweeter. They are also nostalgic about their roots in Pakistan - their mothers have told them that they owned the biggest houses, were rich as can be, and the bathrooms had gold faucets! And the interesting thing is that the Sindhis in India read and write in the Urdu script. 

We had to get up around 5 AM on a Sunday to catch our 8 AM Air Nigeria flight to Monrovia. Because we had about 100 KG in excess weight (we were only allowed 20 KG per person), we wanted to get there extra early to sort out excess baggage fees. The owner of the hotel where we stayed (the same one) dropped us at the airport himself. Nice guy. 

Haresh struck a deal with the airlines to let our excess baggage go through - he had to part with $ 170.00 which is not too bad. Our flight was delayed for an hour but we passed a pleasant time at the Accra airport drinking tea and eating croissants. I bought the latest Time issue "Why the US is Stuck with Pakistan" - what an insulting cover!

No self-respecting national of any country likes titles like these which paint such a terrible picture of one's nation. Likewise, I do not mean any disrespect for my Planet of the Apes comments towards Liberia which has been my home since 2003. Liberia has its set of dysfunctions but it is no less retarded than any other country in the world. The self-proclaimed greatest country in the world - USA - was built on the pillage and murder of the Native Indians and blood and sweat of African slaves.

We also met an Indian businessman whom I thought was a Pakistani army man - tall and a thick moustache with a very confident air about him. He was a Punjabi - no wonder! - who started waxing lyrical about his roots in Rawalpindi and Lahore and the misadventures that the Pakistani state has embarked on since its inception. I don't know whether he was serious or not, but he said he had instructed his sons to marry Muslim girls and not demand they convert in the spirit of inter-faith harmony. 

I love airports! They should be the scenes of all diplomatic meetings. Not to mention I have met both the men in my life at airports. 

We landed in Monrovia at 11 AM on a Sunday. As the plane swerved around in the direction of the airfield, we got a majestic glimpse of the coastline and the lush forest that covers the majority of the country. We truly live in a jungle. Figuratively and literally! 

Some More Thoughts

The UK is like a common destination for me now (apart from Liberia and Pakistan). After many years of not particularly liking the big-city feel, grey weather and sense of alienation, I think the UK is as part of my life as any other. I have undertaken both my undergrad and grad there. I have a lot of memories in that place.  I can more or less navigate my way around and am familiar with it. I have a history with London (we go way back!) but I can safely now say that I actually sort of like it. Progress! 

It was nice to have Haresh tag along with me and help me get all my stuff done. Thanks Haresh! 

I think I  like the idea of having my foot in at least three different worlds any given moment: the UK, Liberia and Pakistan.

So I am glad I am back and have some good memories of this trip. 

I'm fed up! Stop treating me like an adult! I mean, I just friggin turned 30!

I am fed up without even having done any real work on the dissertation. The dissertation is still at the embryonic stage but I am fed up. I am fed up of being here, of being a so-called student and having my life on hold. I have not done any work but I am fed up of thinking about it or avoiding it. It's a great idea for a dissertation - I suffer from thinking my lousy ideas are great - but all I want to do is for this to end and for me to able to get out of here.

Why in the why did they give us THIS long to do the dissertation? I mean, what is it with the British education system? Why do they treat us like adults? Why do they think I will be able to do this on my own, without any structure or hand-holding, discipline myself, do equal amounts of research/drafting/finalising?

This really takes me back to my undergrad years. I was totally lost in my undergrad years having come from American high schooling. I was actually all set to go to do the liberal-arts-fooling-around at a college in the US but my family forced me to go to the UK because my frigging brother got into LSE and the idea was for us to be together. Yes, I got short changed as usual. I had had done the UCAS luckily and Tariq actually wrote out a letter for me asking one of my colleges to accept me. It was better than the idea of going to some college in Greece as my parents wanted me to. Don't ask about all these genius ideas of my family. Anyway, so I get to the UK but seriously, I had no clue about what it really entailed.

There was also the live-where-you-want in these depressing halls of residence. The entire experience was so let's-treat-these-people-like-adults. You were supposed to be an adult who had it completely figured out what you wanted to do with your life, how to live it and what it's all about.

The main thing about college in the UK is that it is pretty specialised right from the start (in fact, they start specialising all the way at the A-levels). So you have to endure three years of whatever it is you have made the mistake of choosing (or whatever you get accepted for) as a subject. I mentioned this earlier - I had no clue about anything. I was a kid at the end of it. Economics was crap as it is - politics which was much more interesting and exciting was still pretty sophisticated for me. I mean, I did not really have a political consciousness or idea of anything except for whatever I had been exposed to - watching the news, being in an international school, my father's lectures, etc. Otherwise, I was pretty much a dodo and didn't know what I was really doing.

Economics pretty went over my head but politics did start to make sense after my degree. It sort of came together.

I think there are many pluses of the whole liberal arts thing the Americans have going. You can fool around for two years and then choose your major. I think it's pretty cool. You can truly be a student and explore subjects and see what you're interested in. The Brits are just too friggin desperate to get there already. There's no enjoying-the-process of how you get there. In the good old days, you would have to learn everything - music, art, history, letters, poetry, mathematics, language, etc. This is all the goddamn fault of capitalism. What a beast. What a b****.

I mean, look at this year! This was a masters on drugs. It was too friggin fast. I barely had time to absorb and think about any of it. All I did was blah blah and react and talk like a moron but I had nothing really intelligent to say about it. We had these oh-my-G0d-which-moron-invented-a-one-hour-tutorial-at-masters-level? We had one-hour tutorials in undergrad!! I was so shocked when I got here and I go to myself, geez, I'm paying £ 12,000 pounds for 2-hour lectures and a 1-hour-half-baked-joke-of-a-class? Are you guys kidding me with this? They made us do these lousy, lousy, shoot-me presentations - regurgitation of the material which everyone is supposed to have read but one schmuck gets to present it - which took half hour and then you're left to deal with big master categories in a half hour. Seriously. And oh my God the essays. Each one was a Mount Everest for me, I swear. Nothing is as painful as writing those essays. It was like going to the doctors, it was worse then a 12-hour grueling journey on a non-air-conditioned bus in the middle of the desert in Balochistan sitting among gold smugglers. It was worse than the UN car breaking down in the middle of the Liberia bush in the middle of the night and being rescued by a local NGO car. It was worse than getting car sick going through the hills of mud in the rainy season in Liberia. It was worse than getting I'm-having-hallucinations malaria. It was worse than sitting through crappy chick flicks with your dodo friends. It was worse than listening to people say dumb things.

I can't wait to get out of here and back to my life. The adult life I have chosen for myself. This studying thing is not my deal - I suck at it. I peaked in 10th grade!

No. 1 What Is Peace Building? No. 2 What is Liberal Peace Building?

1. What is Peace Building?

"Inspired by a reductive and teoleogical informed reading of the significance of 1989, the burgeoning optimism of the post-Cold War period was the defining force in the birth of the concept of peace building." (Heathershaw; 2008; 600)

The pursuit of peace has only recently been adopted by International Development although, it has been around as a philosophical dream for time immemorial and as a stand-alone concept within peace studies since at least the 19th century*. As Uvin states, "The development enterprise spent the first three decades of its charmed life in total agnosticism towards matters of conflict and insecurity." (2002) The outbreak of conflict entailed the flight of development workers and the influx of humanitarians. Furthermore the “conflict dynamics” were not analysed nor addressed since they were not considered part of the development mandate (Ibid).

The passing of the Cold War is a significant marker for the paradigm shift it ushered in. As the "cold war order" gave way to the "new-world order" (Duffield; 1994) it spelled new directions for notions of sovereignty and interventionism. As Bradbury puts it, the international community was "liberated from the diplomatic straightjacket of sovereignty." (Bradbury; 2003) The Westphalian practice of non-intervention that was even "strengthened during the Cold War period" (Goodhand; 2006; p. 50) gave way to "an explosion of international concern to respond to and resolve conflicts" (Goodhand; 2006; p.1) outside of the state-sovereignty paradigm. Fittingly, the UN secretary general Boutros-Ghali proclaimed the end of "absolute and exclusive sovereignty." (1992)

Another way to approach the build up towards peace building era is to consider the mood at the end of the Cold War. The seemingly unforseen timing of the collapse of the Soviet Union and the fall of Communism was famously hailed as 'the end of history': "The Cold War ended for all intents and purposes with the dismemberment of the Soviet Union in 1990. The conflict between the superpowers had so shaped international events...that the fall of Communism felt like 'the end of history' itself.'" (Montgomery & Rondinelli; 2004; p. 68) The failure of the Soviet Union on a state level with its "profound implications for the idea of statehood itself" (Clapham; 2002) was one of many state break downs to follow in the Third World too but, for the time being it symbolised the "triumph of liberal capitalism" (Goodhand; 2006; p. 79). This victory brought about a sense of "optimism and enthusiasm" (Yannis; 2002; p.71) or, the "optimism of a peaceful new world order" (Bradbury; 2003). However, this "expected 'peace dividend' failed to materialise" (Richards; 2005). Somalia, for instance, became one of first test cases of international intervention and peace building for "humanitarian reasons" (Yannis; 2002).

The reading of the end of the Cold War is interesting as a mood as suggested above: euphoria as well as disappointment ensued followed by rolling-up of sleeves to intervene in conflicts. What is interesting is the unravelling and evolution of the concepts of the concepts of war and peace. As Richards describes it, "War - we thought we knew - was Super-Power rivalry. Peace would supervene with victory of one system over the other (or ideological accommodation). " (Richards; 2005) The fact that conflict - seemingly non-ideological at that - continued to plague the world prompted new waves of analysis. State collapse in war-torn countries was a "disturbing new phenomenon." (Helman & Ratner; 1992 in Yannis; 2002; p.65). Kaplan called it the Coming Anarchy which would threaten peace and stability of the West itself. (Kaplan; 1994 in Yannis; 2000) Richards groups these "explanations of 'new war'" as "'Malthus with guns', the 'new barbarism' and the 'greed not grievance' debates." (Richards; 2005) Kaplan's doomsday views fall under 'new barbarism' grouping of Richards. Essentially, a lot of non-political exploration and explanation of conflict in developing countries occurred on the policy and academic levels.

Peace and security were reduced to an individual level. With the end of the Cold War being hailed as the 'end of history', Boutros-Ghali's Agenda for Peace "set out to take full advantage of the de-politicisation of warfare and development." (Stockton; 2004; p. 13) Furthermore, "consistent with this vision of the triumph of liberal capitalism over totalitarian socialism, the secretary-general blamed any ongoing conflict upon under-development and historical misunderstanding about identities." Yannis describes the post-Cold War shift as follows: "the centre of gravity in international relations has shifted away from exclusively state-centred considerations and increasingly towards the individual." (2002; p. 70) The shift has brought about what Yannis further describes as "an international society with a human face." What we had was the convenient and opportune moment for the expansion of the United Nations' role as well as the advance of liberal capitalism and democracy by the West: "In the aftermath of the Cold War, proponents of both 'End of History' and 'New World Order' theories advocated the principles of market economy and multiparty democracy as global recipes for development, peace and stability." (Yannis; 2002; p. 71) This moment represents the convergence of peace-making/security, development and humanitarianism. (Goodhand; 2006; p.78) The convergence can be illustrated by Bourtos-Ghali's "totalising" speech in 1993: "Without peace there can be no development and there can be no democracy. Without development, the basis for democracy will be lacking and societies will tend to fall into conflict. And without democracy, no sustainable development will occur; without such development, peace cannot long be maintained." (Heathershaw; 2008) Democracy, development and peace are linked together but, in a chicken-or-egg sequence; we do not quite know which comes first. As Uvin remarks, "there is scarce secure evidence of a casual relationship between economic development and peace." (Uvin; 2002) Moreover, "Scholarly opinions are divided on these matters, and even if there was consensus, the capacity of the aid enterprise to affect these factors with any degree of speed or certainty is exceedingly small." (Ibid)

What does this human-security centred peace building entail in practice? In the aftermath of the end of the Cold War, the UN envisaged for itself a broad role in the area of peace, security and development. Boutros-Ghali "listed five specific measures: confidence-building, fact-finding missions, early-warning networks, preventive deployment, and demilitarised zones." (Ackermann; 2003; p. 340) This has further been consolidated by Boutros-Ghali's successor Kofi Annan's "proposals to create a peace building commission, support office and fund." (Barnett et al; 2007; p. 36) The ambitious range of this peace agenda "entails deep intervention in aspects of governance, humanitarian aid and development." (Richmond, 2003 in Goodhand; 2006; p. 80) It essentially requires omnipresence. The vision for 'conflict prevention' failed early on in the case of Rwanda. Uvin states that "the tragedy of Rwanda more than any other, demonstrated to both development and humanitarian actors that 'normal professionalism,' even if implemented successfully, could lead to disaster if conflict dynamics were not understood." (2002; 6) However, it is difficult to imagine that conflict prevention - as in the case of the methodological genocide that occurred over a couple of months - is simply a matter of deepening our knowledge of conflict dynamics or re-thinking our post-Cold-War paradigms.

Peace building enjoyed a spectacular rise as "UN peacemaking activities have increased nearly fourfold from four in 1992 to 15 in 2002." (Goodhand; 2006; p. 80) Moreover despite the suffering of quite a few setbacks "the original peace-building paradigm remained generally intact for most war-torn nations until September 2001." (Stockton in Donini, Niland and Wermester; 2004; p. 27) As Stockton further explains (Ibid) this consisted of "a sequence beginning with a negotiated settlement, followed by the deployment of impartial UN Chapter VI peace-keepers, internationally supervised elections, and international aid-driven demobilisation, resettlement, reconstruction, and development."

Peace building has its detractors. We have discussed above peace building's a-political approach as far its analysis of conflict in the new post-Cold-War 'end of history' context is concerned. This applies to the development enterprise in general with which peace and security have merged and is summed up by Uvin as follows: "...is the extent to which the development enterprise engages explicitly in the political realm, running counter to the norm of sovereignty and the practice of 'a-politicalness' that historically underlie its work." (Uvin; 2002; p.6) In the conclusion to the same article Uvin states: "The key problems of the operational work in the field are the weakness of the knowledge and the ethical base on which this work rests." (Uvin; 2002; p. 21) On a similar note, Featherstone states "Peace keeping is not a highly theorised topic." (Featherstone; 2002; p. 191) For Featherstone, the "unproblematised discourse of modernity which is at the heart of both International Relations and Conflict Resolution theory and practice" and, "problematic discourses of violence" make peace keeping and peace building of the Agenda for Peace kind limited in terms of long term change. (Featherstone; 2002; p. 190, 197, 201) Furthermore, "there are critical differences among actors regarding its conceptualisation and operationalisation" (Barnett, Km, O'Donnell, and Sitea; 2007; p. 36) despite the 'quest for coherence.' (Donini, Niland, and Wermester; 2004; p.2-3) It also seems that although "we see a lot of interest in peacebuilding, much of it is at the level of rhetoric and not at the level of resources." (Barnett, Km, O'Donnell, and Sitea; 2007; p. 36)

Amongst the most critical critiques of peace building is both a critique as well as the nature of the beast itself - that peace building in the post-Cold War context is ultimately a liberal project. Duffield, for example, famously states that the North is actually trying to impose a 'liberal peace' on the South to preserve itself. (2001)

2 What is Liberal Peace Building?

The intellectual foundations of liberal peace lie in Kant's work; in fact, according to Howard peace was invented by Kant. (2001) Howard's The Invention of Peace (2001) argues from a European perspective that while war has been a norm throughout history, peace has been less so. Tracing a broad history of Europe, Howard states that under the reign of priests and princes from 800 to 1789 AD, war was part and parcel of the social and political order sanctioned by king and church. Even as the power and rule of priests and princes gave way to the new order of states, "the institution of war persisted as part of the international order...partly because there were still serious issues of power to be determined, partly because it came naturally both to the ruling classes and to the sovereigns themselves." (Howard; 2001; p.22) War, then, came to be rationalised beyond holy language and more in terms of balance of power, preservation of peace and rights of states.

Until the arrival of the "greatest of intellectual revolutions in the history of mankind" - the Enlightenment - peace was more or less an intermission between wars. (Howard; 2001; p.25) The thinkers of the Enlightenment sought to think of society and state, the general order of things, without war. This "intellectual revolution"'s "most remarkable child" (Howard; 2001; p. 29) was the star philosopher Immanuel Kant. Kant's legacy for Liberalism and specifically Liberal Internationalism is, to borrow Howard's word, "remarkable." Kant was not a fan of human nature but believed peace should be pursued not only for practical reasons but for moral and enlightened ones as well. Today, we speak of the 'Kantian duty to peace.' Kant believed the pursuit of peace "can be imagined to follow logically from human beings' pursuing their rational self interest in the circumstances of the world as we know it." (Doyle; 1997; p. 254)

Howard places the highest accolade on Kant by declaring: "So if anyone could be said to have invented peace as more than a mere pious aspiration, it was Kant.” (Howard; 2001; p.31) His “Perpetual Peace” written in 1795 “predicts the ever-widening pacification of a Liberal pacific union”(Doyle; 1997; p.253) or a “cosmopolitan community” as described by Howard where, mutual needs for security and hospitality would hold this union. (Howard; 2001; p. 31) Kant states that the perpetual peace would be guaranteed by acceptance of three 'definitive articles of peace'; namely, i) states should be republican ii) pacific federation or foedus pacificum iii) a cosmopolitan law to operate in conjunction with the pacific union. (Doyle; 1997; p. 257-258) Peace would first be established among Liberal states where individuals would enjoy republican rights. The pacific union would gradually come to encompass all states gradually. In fact, “if by good fortune one powerful and enlightened nation can form a republic (which is by nature inclined to seek peace), this will provide a focal point for federal association among other states.” (Doyle; 1997; p. 257) One could say along this line that the United States' emergence and hegemony over of the last two hundred years has helped to create the kind of pacific federation around itself as imagined by Kant. As Howard states: “The ruling philosophy of the generation that established the independence of the United States was the very quintessence of the Enlightenment, with its belief in the rights and perfectibility of man and his capacity for peaceful self-government...” (Howard; 2001; p. 28)

Howard's enthusiastic sweeping statement in the European political nation-state and political philosophical context – that was peace was truly only invented not only as a political order but also as an aspiration as a social order by the Enlightenment and Kant – is significant in helping us to understand modern history in terms of attempts to impose global political orders and the Liberal foundation of global discourse on peace – whether it be philosophical or in terms of peacemaking, peace building or peacekeeping. Howard himself excuses his Eurocentric approach to his essay on peace by explaining that “it was in Europe, and its overflow in North America, that there developed the thinking about war and peace that now constitutes the bulk of global discourse about the topic.” (Howard; 2001; p. 7)

Perhaps indeed peace maybe have been more clearly imagined and argued for by Kant than his predecessors. Kant proposed how the populations in Europe's states could exist more peacefully through transitioning to republican states, forging a more cosmopolitan Europe, and so on. - liberal under pinnings of peace building - liberal understanding of war

*"War in human society is as pervasive as the wish for peace is universal." (Thakur; 2002; 405)

A Talk by Archbishop Desmond Tutu

The MDGs - A Moral Challenge

13 July 

St Paul's Cathedral

Preamble 

What an honour, what a privilege to see and hear Archbishop Desmond Tutu! I cannot even explain how moving an experience it was for me to hear him speak. 

We all hold Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu in such high esteem. I have known these figures as part of the struggle against apartheid. Even before I actually knew what apartheid was in any kind of real detail, I always knew it was something terrible, literally it was as vague as that. I mean I only really got to know a little idea of what it might have been like through my boyfriend but before that it was something 'just bloody awful.' And, I knew that Mandela was in prison for almost 30 years by this regime. My father had told us about this Mandela fellow who was put in prison for that long. Now that I think about it, half of our father's teaching was always struggle-based. I remember him making a socialist, Marxist link to Moses leading the Jews out of Egypt. He had these very clearly defined greats of history and contemporary politics. If I remember correctly, he was telling us that even before the end of apartheid. The entire forgiving part of it came much later into my consciousness and, when it did, it really blew my mind. I used to ask my boyfriend, but how could you guys just swallow that? How could you forgive? I could never wrap my head around it. Not that my boyfriend is a saintly figure or that he did not have any generational and existential anger in him, but he tried to explain to me what they heck South Africa was trying to do. First, he explained the concept of ubuntu to me - 'I am a human because you are a human' - and that they had preserved their own humanity by forgiveness. And then, what other option was there for mixed race families? Finally, perhaps they had found something within this paradigm of forgiveness and it would inform future conflicts. 

My boyfriend and I also made frequent comments on the TRC process in Liberia. We were not sure whether about the impact the process was making in terms of national reconciliation. His comment was that the TRC did make an impact in uncovering the truth and healing because it did not have the moral leadership of someone like Desmond Tutu; it seemed to be a technical affair in Liberia.  

Well now I can at least say I have some idea of Desmond Tutu's persona and moral persuasion. And perhaps understand how it could be possible a nation could go through truth and reconciliation. You sure would need the leadership. At the same time, we outsiders also have to acknowledge that yes the  leadership did guide South Africa from apartheid to democracy but it would not be possible without the ordinary man and woman's participation, that the nation itself, the black majority, has to be given credit and a place in history. Of course, the TRC process cannot really be complete without alleviating the poverty, suffering and enduring legacy of the apartheid but nevertheless, we have to still acknowledge the the route that South Africa followed in terms of a peaceful end of conflict and post conflict justice. Of course, people argue that the peace came at a high cost to the victims of apartheid as they still suffering from the legacy of apartheid. That is all true but we have to acknowledge that the South Africans managed to peacefully bring about the end of apartheid; moreover, they forgave their white oppressors. Africa is great for having, then, produced, a Nelson Mandela, a Desmond Tutu but also for people that forgave their very oppressors. 

My friend Cecilia had told me about this lecture, otherwise I would not have known about it. I told some of my brother's friend to come along too - something 'un-corporate for the corporate types - and it turns out that one of my brother's good friends, Gautham, had been planning to attend it for a few months as he was a member for Advocates for International Development, the organisation that put this event together. Another mutual friend Karina said she'd be there but she didn't make it. Tariq was working late on a transaction and couldn't be there.  

The event took place at St Paul's Cathedral. I went there a bit earlier to check out the place and take my photographs. I think I might have seen the Cathedral many years ago but I do not remember. It was truly majestic and there was great light that day so I was able to get some great shots. I queued up a half earlier which I am glad for because I managed to get a seat closer to the podium. Entering the cathedral really took my breath away - maybe because I have not been inside for many many years now. The last time I was in a church or cathedral in Europe must have been Rome during the Christmas holidays when Tariq and I came from our first year in university in London back to Greece (where our parents and little sis were) and the family travelled to Italy by boat. We were 19 and 18 years old and had done two years of Humanities in high school which included studying the art of the Renaissance. We could really appreciate the time in Rome unlike our younger days when the Gothic (or whatever it was) churches and cathedrals used to scare us. Well anyway, the cathedral was absolutely beautiful inside. 

The talk

I caught a glimpse of the Archbishop walk in and everyone knew he had entered the space. His figure was short and one could see he was an old man. He had such a humble air about him. He went to sit at his seat which was just a few paces away from mine, at the end of his aisle so I could see his back. 

He was introduced by Patricia Janet Scotland, Baroness Scotland of Asthal, the current Attorney General for England Wales and Northern Ireland. Gee, what long titles. It's so friggin pretentious. How about just lawyer-in-chief? It's fitting and cool. I must say that her introduction was really fake and politician-y - so many greats have been trained as lawyers (Gandhi, Lincoln, Mary Robinson, etc), Desmond Tutu is a personal hero of hers, he was 'spiritual icon' of our times, Advocates for Development are doing such a great job, MDGs are so important, etc. So she finally came to a stop after probably at least 15 minutes and let the guest of honour speak. 

Mr. Tutu went up to the podium, started speaking and just blew everyone away with his talk. He was humorous, he was poignant, he was passionate, he was sincere, he was politically charged, and he was so damn great. And I will say from the outset, I cried during this talk. I do not know why but I cried. I do not know whether it is I am missing my boyfriend a lot. I do not know whether it is just knowing I was in the presence of someone who led a nation into forgiving and reconciling. Someone who is so great. I guess it was just humbling in every respect. 

Mr. Tutu made quite a few jokes about how old he was getting and how - what's his word - decrepit he was now. It was really cute. There was one about how a school was being named after him in the Netherlands that had been founded four hundred years ago or something. A little girl comes up to him and asks him whether he was around on the first day the school was opened! Apparently, they changed the name of the school afterwards. And then, there was a joke about a professor and his driver who switch places so the professor would not have to give the same lecture over and over again. The driver would keep the lecture long enough to not have any chance of questions. But this one time, a question did come up and it was quite convoluted. The driver says, 'is that it? even my driver in the back can answer that one!'

So what was the 'bee in his bonnet?' Being a man of the cloth, he interspersed a lot of his talk with biblical references - the story of Adam and Eve, Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene, etc. He spoke of interdependence and the idea that human beings are made together, need each other and cannot be solitary, not even conceptually. This is the essence of ubuntu - something which I first heard of from my boyfriend. That 'I am human because you are human.' It is quite a profound concept, thought, idea, sentiment, philosophy. That our humanity is in others, is because of others. How did Mr. Tutu say it? 'My humanity is caught up in your humanity.' When you de-humanise others, you de-humanise yourself. 

He spoke about the TRC and I was pretty amazed he did. He said that they had to hear people talk about how they chopped up human beings, burned their flesh for hours, while having a barbecue nearby. He said 'we had wondered' at how depraved a soul must be to cook human flesh while cooking animal flesh too. I remembered reading that during this year for the course and something like that really shocks you. That a regime like that existed and police or military officers went around doing that. How did that work? Now that I think about it, hearing about apartheid makes me feel so overwhelmed because I think of how my own boyfriend grew up under it and, could very well have been a kid who may have been picked up and disappeared. Just like that. 

There was a part where the Archbishop was telling a story about Jesus Christ and how his 'all' meant everyone. To explain how God means all when He means all is the black and white and yellow, the gay and lesbian and so-called straight (that got a few laughs), Israel and Palestine and Hamas and Fatah and bin Laden (this got more of a profound silence that one can hear) and then George Bush (now this got the whole place laughing). There aren't any outsiders, everyone is an insider. 

He said that humanity was like a family and the family works like so, 'each according to his abilities, each according to his needs.' I didn't pick this up during the talk but Gautham pointed out later that it was Marx! So much for Cecilia and myself - SOAS students - not picking it up. In Cecilia's defense, she knows Marx in Spanish and I just don't obviously! Man, how embarrassing. I am a fake SOAS student alas. 

I think it was a very political talk! Mr. Tutu said that the world spends 'obscene' amounts of money - in the trillions - on 'budgets of death and destruction'. Moreover, the war on terror is not going to be won. Not as long as people are desperate. He said that trillions is spent on nuclear armaments but only a $1 was needed on a child to vaccinate against measles. He said that developing countries are told to invest in agriculture however the trade barriers that are put up make it a 'joke.' He said that the EU pays $ 2.5 dollars per cow per day to farmers however 3 billion people subsist on less than a $ 1 a day. And then he says, 'as you know I try not to be controversial.' I am amazed that he mentioned all that he had mentioned because these are the explosive issues of the day as far as freaking development is concerned. He also spoke about Iraq and how he had tried to convey to the White House that the inspectors in Iraq should be given more time. George Bush did not speak to him directly but Condolezza Rice did and said, it would not be possible. He said since then it was found that it was all fabrication and lies. That the people of Iraq should be apologised to by George Bush and Tony Blair. I think it was something very powerful he said saying it where he did say it. 

Mr. Tutu mentioned a cartoon where God has lost a copy of the Divine Plan. And it certainly seems like that is the case. That 'evil has the last word.' But no, there is still hope and compassion. He was pleased to see the work of Advocates for Int'l Development, the fact so many lawyers were present for free, to see so many young people. He said that the good work vindicates everything else. 

It was not just what he said was so powerful but also the way he said it and how he balanced it all with humour and emotion and gravity. There were bits of it that made one feel injustice and pain but other parts to make one feel hopeful and human. The MDGs and all the blah blah talk usually makes me roll my eyes - I mean come on, the MDGs?! Some vague targets are going to develop a country? Some vague targets to make us feel even more miserable about how we are so far away from those targets? Some targets which the UN cannot and probably will not reach even with all the billions they have in their budgets? But I could stand to hear about the moral cause behind the MDGs from someone like Archbishop Desmond Tutu. When I have heard about the MDGs from one of our big bosses in the UNDP, it just sounded like bullshit to me, some guy earning probably $ 20,000/month not even including all the freaking benefits talking about it, usually made me want to puke. Why? Because it was all so a-political. It was so neo-liberal. It was so fake. Mr. Tutu was very political though and he was not naive about it either. This is someone who has spent their life in a struggle and seen through it. Led others. They know what they're saying. Somehow I can suspend my cynicism. Amazing but true. 

It was truly an honour to be there. It was an amazing mix of spirituality, God, people, humanity and politics that I could be open to. And that the speakers' voices were booming in that cathedral's space made it even more powerful in a way. 

I had a nice drink with Gautham and Cecilia afterwards. We exchanged our thoughts, about development, our near futures, etc. I wonder when next I will be able to do this but it is a privilege for sure. I would not have seen the inside of the Cathedral otherwise and I wonder when next I would ever get to hear Archbishop Desmond Tutu in London. 

Afterthought

A priest had actually been the first speaker who made a brief note of the occasion, that all were welcome to the Cathedral (Christian, other faiths and non believers). It is pretty impressive that in this day and age, everyone is welcomed to that space, even non believers. Imagine how much the world has changed where this all is really all inclusive. This would not have been the case a few centuries ago,  a couple decades ago.

I think the South Africans, Africans and the world is so lucky to have a figure like Desmond Tutu. 

I think I can more fully appreciate the idea that the Church has been part of struggles. It is a bit less abstract for me now I guess. I mean I did have an idea that the Church, moreover the Catholic Church, was instrumental in the struggle against the dictatorships in Latin America. But it's better to have a more concrete idea of it! 

I told my boyfriend I went to this talk. He said that he was the 'typical neighbourhood minister or pastor.' I was like, typical?! He said he'd heard a few of his sermons and met him too a couple of times. The reason he did have the moral leadership during the TRC process for example was because the majority of people are Christian and they would be led. He was part of the struggle as well and he pretty much got the position by 'default.' Though he speaks of God and all that, he does not do it from a judgmental position - he gives it as it is. I think that is really what it was. That he did not do it from a 'holier than though' high horse. And he wasn't divisive either. That's pretty great, eh? 

I'll be honest, I have lost God. And it's pretty bad considering all things. I lost God in my twenties and never ever imagined I would. It was just not conceivable on any level. Not even philosophical level - our parents, especially our father, brought us up believing in God without any contradiction to science or any other discipline of thought, God made even more sense because of science. Moreover being Ahamdis we knew it better than anyone. But I did lose God and have been in sort of a no-man's land. I am not quite sure whether I am a complete aetheist but I am in a not-a-fan-of-organised-religion phase right now. I couldn't care less about it. I do still love having my Muslim cultural identity but that is how far it goes. So any way, I am still fascinated by those who believe in God. I think it is amazing, for instance, how those who live in poverty or have seen a lot of shit still believe in God. In fact, they seem to believe in God even more so. There are some pretty intelligent people out there who believe in God. It is fascinating. So what makes mere mortals like me so friggin arrogant about it? Whatever makes one tick I guess or makes sense at the moment. Who knows? Maybe I will find God again. But I sure can tell you, it was nice listening to the Archbishop. 

PS. This suddenly reminds me of Dakar Academy and the Twilight Zone kind of atmosphere we had there. It was all about damning and judgement along with the singing in the chapel. It was a very happy go lucky bunch, 'we are all going to heaven,' Jesus loves us all, blah blah - but if you ask them, what about those who had not accepted Jesus Christ has their saviour? Nope, they're going to hell. 

PSS. The idea of transformative justice versus punitive justice after the end of conflicts was a main theme this year in VCD. Punitive justice as a standard was set with the Nuremburg Trials of the Nazi regime after the end of WW2. The freaking WW2 seems to have set the standard for a lot of thinking on wars, frankly. Evil versus good, one ideology pitted against another, clear sides of in a war, clear victims and oppressors, clear victors and the defeated, clear beginning and end, clear justice and reconstruction - well at least how it is romanticised and documented. The United Nations was set up - 'never again would we have war.' However, the war did not end there, did it? Sure, the Nazis were defeated but the 'real shit' - the ideological warfare of the Cold War - had just begun. The Soviet Union and American were merely convenient partners against Nazi Germany but they had always been suspicious of each other. The end of WW2 was merely a pause - the real goddam World War was the Cold War where the Soviet Union and America fought on the world stage, every theatre they could find. History did not end with WW2 but with the Cold War (Fukuyama). The Cold War was really equally critical if not more than WW2. So, point one: War did not begin or end with WW2. The Cold War immediately followed. Point two: I don't know what point two is. Oh yes, WW2 has set the standards for the kind of justice that should follow after the end of conflict. Even a friggin bank was set up for reconstruction after war. Whole-hearted reconstruction happened in Europe and Japan. However, ironically, this reconstruction - the Marshall Plan - assistance has never really been extended to any other state recovering from war. So it is blue print but it is not. They want everyone else to follow punitive justice - where possible - but not give the necessary assistance to stabilise and consolidate peace.