What do I really want to write about?

What do I really want to write about? 

I've been dreaming, fantasising, even obsessing about writing for some time. I want to write political and social commentary, as I observe lived experiences, politics and social interactions. My professional experiences in the Development world have really informed my politics too and propelled me obtaining a Master's Degree at SOAS. The master's degree was already a prerogative in 2008 to further one's career and get a decent contract. Is the Master's degree required for this line of work? I was trained to take a critical look at Development and, unless one obtained a Master's to learn how to better write, a Master's degree is absolutely not required for the desk work, field visits, and meetings. The pretence of technical expertise can be obtained from a course and experience. 

Real expertise is of course necessary for agriculture, nutrition, and health experts in specialised agencies but bulk of the job is bureaucratic with a corporate agenda and style. 

There's much to write about and, link it to the Global order. The most telling are, of course, personal anecdotes. 

Here's one: 

A French guy at the sushi bar: "We should have never left Africa."

Here are more: 

A Canadian woman in response to a critical article in American press about expatriate perks: "We deserve a sushi restaurant. We work hard!" 

A Canadian woman sharing an apparent epiphany: "I look at our way of life in Canada and know that people in the world want different ways of organising their societies." 

An American woman in a USD $12 million proposal development brainstorming session during the Ebola Epidemic: "Wouldn't it be amazing if we taught everyone to wash their hands?" 

A Kenyan woman: "I want to take Liberia and dump it in the Ocean." 

I've always found the attitudes of Westerners enlightening. How do they see their roles, their place in the world and how they carry the legacy of imperialism in them. 

There's been almost complete silence by my Development colleagues on the Genocide in Gaza, regardless of whether they are from the Global North or Global South. 

Feminism and interest in Leftist thinking has also informed how I think and express myself. I think I've always been critical , questioning religion , questioning the Development Industry

I was thinking about extrapolating my life experiences and analysing them with a feminist lens, a material / structural lens. Becoming a mother was one of the most significant moments of my life and, my life is now only about that role as Kavita is suffering with lupus. 

Kavita may see me as a strict mother full of rules but she may take for granted how much I love her, display that affection, and teach her all I know. I could never take anything granted with my mother and, it remains the most problematic relationship of my life. I've often wondered how feminists make peace with their patriarchal mothers. 

My father is in an interesting character. I've seen him as a progressive man who has ensured his daughters are educated and was not interested in marriage as a duty. However, my mother's toxic conflict that divided the family made me question his patriarchal nature.  

It's only recently my father told me about his membership in the Communist Party and how he came on a train from India to Pakistan.  (He also told me about his charsi days) My mother's stories are of privilege and are much more clanish as she comes from a big family. My mother has has had more outward patriarchal attitudes. 

My father would have made a great committed atheist but he's a believer despite his politics and love of the arts. 

Who makes you who is of great interest to me. One thing I share with Aboo is my love of pseudo philosophising and I subject Kavita to grand lectures. She will inherit the skill to think at different levels. 

My mother's toxic legacy is of ruined sibling relationships and playing politics amongst each other. I have no more any shame of acknowledging what a hypocritical and abusive character my brother is now. He is the typical nice guy who appears non macho, non alpha but conveniently uses religion and nationality for himself and against women. And has violent ideas despite appearances. 

Imran Khan is that man, too. 

Lastly, I have been thinking about culture and ethnic/national identity. The culture identity has totally burst for me. I don't know which romantic rock I was living under. What culture do I really have? Or any urbanised folks long since removed from kinship to the land? My father and family left their roots in India during Partition. He has has told me his father was removed from his village because he wouldn't bow down to the landowners. My mother's side also left their ancestral village Bhera and are now scattered all over as they left Pakistan being Ahamdis. Neither my parents spoke Punjabi with us. Living abroad as Pakistanis , we followed the Pakistani State narrative. We do not have a culture but strong Ahamdi identity. And, as members of capitalist societies how are we really different from Americans? Finally, my family is completely broken and has not adhered to any value so what can I really aspire to? 

And importantly, what do I pass to Kavita? 

This is all I've been thinking of?