While dealing with Kavita's auto immune disorder this past year in Islamabad, a few doctors told me to pray. The aetheist "wild thing" in me reared its head, bared its "terrible teeth" to let out a "terrible roar" but I quietened that beast. "Shush, now."
Kavita's lupus nehpritis has been managed thankfully and, I suppose the doctor muttered "Pray" at the end of the visit out of politeness than any dire warning.
No need to let the wild thing make any "terrible noise" per se.
I suppose "dua karo" is a token advice that is breathed as small talk everywhere, regardless of suitability, time, space, moment. Similar to "Did you lost weight?" or "You look nice, " both which I find infuriating, insulting to my great intellect.
Younger people meeting older relatives or older people? They will politely say, "Dua mein yaad rakhein." Somehow older peoples' prayers get answered. If you have those polite meetings with people you newly met, they will also politely ask you to remember them in your prayers. I guess it's hoping that someone , somewhere will pray for you? It looks like everyone is constantly praying for luck, health, wealth, the nation's survival, etc.
Small talk always feels insincere. Vacuous. Stupid.
But, begging children who say "Apni beti ka sadka de de" make feel very sad. Usually I say, "Bache bheekh nahin maango" but that is a very insincere and stupid retort, no? Children are trained to invoke faith and fate to loosen your purse.
The feeling of God and prayer is everywhere: from doctor to beggars.
But that, a doctor adds prayer to his prescription is disturbing. On one hand, I have to pay the doctor's 2,000 rupee consultation fee, purchase the medicines on his/her prescription list, and then also be a good faithful human.
Not all my medical experiences have been so contradictory. I visited quite a few doctors last year but the main ones have been professional and, straightforward.
Still, I remembered this strange feeling after a feminist gathering to gear up for the Aurat Azadi 2020 March.
The organisers and volunteers were part of this meeting and, to help everyone get on the same page, the moderator asked everyone to share their experiences. We were also asked to share stories of helplessness, powerlessness in this society. Many of the stories were incredibly painful and, of course, personal. Of abuse, violence, discrimination, micro aggressions, and sadness. Which leads to depression and , other mental suffering.
Which got me wondering. How many women are depressed in patriarchal societies? Especially such conservative, rigid, and violent ones like Pakistan? How many women suffer from even more serious disorders like schizophrenia? Bi-polar? Trauma?
And, does psychology and psychiatry connect violent, abusive and controlling patriarchy to the disorders affecting women (and men)? Does therapy acknowledge this abusive environment? Or are women told to pray?
I sensed that some women felt relieved and better sharing their stories. Thus, our small meeting became a moment of not only solidarity but also feminist therapy. But of course, for some it was incredibly difficult to share their experiences and, the room was silent, heavy with silence, thinking and reflecting on what our fellow sister went through and, how does that affect her ? How does one get over this trauma? Professional therapy, I suppose. Years of it.
So, I wonder how much of our depression , trauma, angst , internalised violence is directly linked to patriarchy and, if medicine and psychiatry acknowledge and incorporate it in therapy ?
