From Accra

So here I am in Accra waiting to get on the Emirates flight to Dubai and then onwards to Islamabad.

I paid a little extra to get into the business class lounge. I thought I'd re-live my UN days when I use to treat myself to business class flights whenever I went home and also, now that I am the CEO of an IT company I need to have a proper place to write e-mails and do my work. The lounge itself is pretty classy and I'm glad I did this to while away about 6 hours.

I'm really enjoying the fact I have to do actual work sitting at the airport, punching out proposals and following up with stuff back in Monrovia. The sweet feeling is really that I can do this from anywhere as long as I remotely manage and provide enough tools and resources for my staff to keep the thing going.

I just found out we got a project approved - so yay!! I feel like a very powerful CEO of a small IT company.

I had many powerful memories bubble up from before but hey, it's part of the game.

Off to Pakistan

I am finally able to leave for a short break to get out of Liberia. I am off to Pakistan, the homeland, for three weeks.

There's so much I need to do when I get there. My passport is going to expire soon and I also have hardly any space on the pages for additional stamps and visa. The immigration guys are going to give me a hard time at each airport.

I need to buy new clothes, get new contact lenses, maybe go to the doctor's, and so on. I'm going to hang out with my kiddie cousins in Karachi and hopefully, pick up some IT kit and contacts there!

But most importantly, I'm going to see my old man whom I have not seen in more than two years. Last year, while he was alone in Islamabad, he was attacked by 'rogues' as we call them in Liberia.

I'll be meeting family members the first time since Wesley's death so it'll be very emotional for me. I'll be in Pakistan and will probably remember many moments when I used to miss Wesley and think of him.

Things will be very different. At the same time, things are also strangely the same.

I will be along the same Accra - Dubai - Islamabad route bumming in each destination, spilling money, collecting moments, jotting down thoughts and having fun with myself.

I have the same jittery traveling blues, feeling anxious about a trip, feeling the need to put everything in order before I travel the night before.

I have a hand over note to do! Sort of like the one we had to do while working at UNDP but this time, it'll actually be implemented! I mean, it actually counts. I had a very funny inner moment thinking about doing hand over notes for my staff.

Yeah, we had a frantic couple of days at the office, going over all that needed to be done in my absence, having meetings with clients, planning upcoming projects, etc. My staff is psyched and are totally on top of all that is going on. We have work coming out of our ears and I'm SO SO SO excited. In fact, I can't wait to get back and get on with it.

What else is same? Ah, I have a man who is going to drop me to the airport, who is doing all my little running around things, whom I am already missing, and feel good about.

I still think about Wesley a lot. I have a picture of us right on my desk and it's framed in the coolest frame sent by my childhood friend Piilani to me recently.

I know Wesley's gone but I talk about him all the time and refer to him as if he's there. I miss him but I am so busy and so full of my ambition, desire for life and 'lust for knowing what should not be known,' that it's not so bad.

My dearest friend Rebecca came to say good bye to me and she feels I am different. I have also noticed other friends saying this. I am glad to hear this, to be honest. I have very deliberately - in an act of liberation - created a new life for myself. I don't want to have the old life. I want to look ahead and not back for even a moment. I have taken all that happened in a stride.

I am truly happy to have taken up the challenge of taking over Wesley's business and making it my own. I am so friggin glad to be out of the dysfunctional and bizarre world of development. I am so glad to be doing my own thing.

I am very content with myself and the decisions I have taken. I made sure Wesley's business didn't sink. We grew the business, got ourselves some very cool projects, made some excellent money, and now I can go to Pakistan for a break. I also moved into a new relationship and am very happy and content.

Ha, ha, I know I sound so mechanical and god-awful business-like but that's what it is.

I am excited about my trip and getting to spend time with the old man. I am planning to pick up a few Cuban cigars in Dubai and smoking them with Aboo. It should be fun.